Given the decision he and JD made to keep the designation of brothers, how much it means to them both, Edwin lets out a very small gasp of surprise from nonexistent lungs.
Roman hears that gasp. His gaze slides to the side and he can't help a little smirk forming at the corner of his lips.
Gotcha, motherfucker. You're hooked.
"I was messed up on some curse shit, which is a shitty excuse even if it is the truth." He'd been wanting to do it for years, he'd been not wanting to do it for years. They've been metaphorically stabbing each other since before they could hold a conversation. The Roy siblings are complicated. So's Yellow.
"I was just so fucking pissed at him. For being the Eldest, for getting everything, for constantly thinking he knew what was better for me. What a piece of shit, right?"
Edwin drifts closer as Roman captures his attention, describing feelings he knows so well. Not the same ones, not exactly, but the parallel emotions make it so easy to imagine.
"I felt like that. About John. Before I knew him."
"Right." Maybe it's a bit stupid to bond over murdering people they care about, but fucked if it's not something. It's morbid. Weird. Maybe inappropriate. They just met and Roman went secret-for-not-secret, but it's not like Roman has a wealth of inter-dimensional experience to deal with and it seemed to have worked.
"You felt weird, though, right? Like, yeah, you were pissed, and I'm sure it felt great, but after?"
"About killing Arthur?" He pauses, thinking back, remembering what he'd said before he let Arthur fall.
Be helpless.
"It did feel good. Seeing him afraid. Knowing I made him afraid, that I was the one who had power." A pause. "But it didn't feel good afterward. It didn't feel good when he didn't get angry back at me, when he was kind and patient. It didn't feel good that John forgave me and cared enough to make sure I was... okay, on Halloween. When I tried to hurt Arthur again."
"That you can graduate. That you're not gonna just sit and spin here." Roman's pretty damn confident. The urge to reach into the shitty little cooler and pull out a six pack of extremely terrible 'normal people beer' he knows in there is strong, but he doesn't. Mostly because he knows it'll taste like shit beyond being bud lite. Thanks, Enclosure.
"Certifiable proof that you're not a bad person gone completely off the deep end: you have a conscious."
Well that's startling. The level of confidence in him from a stranger. It feels warm, in a different way than the internal warmth Jedao or John or Hunter or the plants and animals on board cause.
Roman's entire face scrunches up at that, leaning back. He wishes he had his sunglasses, but this'll have to do. He can admire the river and pat himself on the back for being pretty much the Best Warden Ever like this.
"Depends on a lot of things, I think. Depends on you. Sometimes it's slow and steady, sometimes it's immediate. Aaaaaalll dependent on you."
He glances over.
"Maybe it'll take you a month. Maybe it'll take you two, I don't know. I spent half a year not even bothering and this place fuckin' chipped away at me anyway." A giggle.
Edited (that icon was WAY too agressive) 2024-01-25 18:05 (UTC)
"Yeah." Roman nods, and then glances over at Edwin, eyes raking over the mask.
"Not literally. But, y'know, somewhere in my cold dead heart Raylan found a way to slowly start piecing it together and now I'm a real boy, walkin' and talkin' and everything."
He shrugs.
"It's gonna take time, probably. But it's possible. And if you're really good at it, you get to evolve into a warden, like me."
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
"...Was he trying to hurt you?"
no subject
Roman hears that gasp. His gaze slides to the side and he can't help a little smirk forming at the corner of his lips.
Gotcha, motherfucker. You're hooked.
"I was messed up on some curse shit, which is a shitty excuse even if it is the truth." He'd been wanting to do it for years, he'd been not wanting to do it for years. They've been metaphorically stabbing each other since before they could hold a conversation. The Roy siblings are complicated. So's Yellow.
"I was just so fucking pissed at him. For being the Eldest, for getting everything, for constantly thinking he knew what was better for me. What a piece of shit, right?"
no subject
"I felt like that. About John. Before I knew him."
no subject
"You felt weird, though, right? Like, yeah, you were pissed, and I'm sure it felt great, but after?"
no subject
Be helpless.
"It did feel good. Seeing him afraid. Knowing I made him afraid, that I was the one who had power." A pause. "But it didn't feel good afterward. It didn't feel good when he didn't get angry back at me, when he was kind and patient. It didn't feel good that John forgave me and cared enough to make sure I was... okay, on Halloween. When I tried to hurt Arthur again."
Another pause. "No. It didn't feel good after."
no subject
"Fuck yeah." He doesn't bother to hide the triumphant fist pump, either. No point.
"You know what that is, right? Proof. Grade A, organic, 100% crunchy proof. This is a good thing."
no subject
He's baffled and a little alarmed and trying not to show the latter.
no subject
"Certifiable proof that you're not a bad person gone completely off the deep end: you have a conscious."
no subject
"How do I do it? Graduate?"
no subject
"Depends on a lot of things, I think. Depends on you. Sometimes it's slow and steady, sometimes it's immediate. Aaaaaalll dependent on you."
He glances over.
"Maybe it'll take you a month. Maybe it'll take you two, I don't know. I spent half a year not even bothering and this place fuckin' chipped away at me anyway." A giggle.
I LAUGHED AT THE FIRST ICON NGL
no subject
"Not literally. But, y'know, somewhere in my cold dead heart Raylan found a way to slowly start piecing it together and now I'm a real boy, walkin' and talkin' and everything."
He shrugs.
"It's gonna take time, probably. But it's possible. And if you're really good at it, you get to evolve into a warden, like me."
no subject
"You were dead? You weren't real?"
no subject