"It went well enough that I did not comprehensively lose my shit, although I hope he grovels a little more when he talks to you," Jedao says dryly, which he feels accurately conveys whom he thinks ought to be nervous in this scenario.
"Which he wants to do. He's not mad at you."
A little mad at Jedao, for awhile - maybe still - but Jedao can live with that.
The tension and vague tremor coming from the jellyfox eases off. His edges lose a little definition as the nervous energy he was using to keep his muzzle properly square fades.
"I don't... I don't want him to grovel, I just want to know... why he talked to me that way. It felt like he was mad."
"He wasn't mad at you. Or...if he was a little mad, that wasn't why he was talking to you that way. I'll let him try to explain what he was thinking first. But..."
He pauses for a moment. The thing he wants to say is complicated, and difficult.
"A lie that people will tell, sometimes, all well-meaning, because it's kind and simple, is that miscommunications are always two sided. That the speaker and the listener have always both failed, when people totally misunderstand each other. And sometimes it's useful to get back to a place of mutual - grace. But it is a lie. Communication requires willingness and skill, and Malcolm can be very bad at making himself clear, sometimes. The fact that he wasn't trying to hurt you doesn't, in itself, absolve him from talking to you that way. And if he does it again, you are always allowed to just leave, even if you can't explain why you need to. Hunter and I will always have your back about that. Okay?"
He rests his chin on Jedao's shoulder. It is a relief every time he hears someone declare they'll be there for him. But at the same time--
"I'm bad at it too. Making myself clear. I can be... really bad at it, and everyone has-- almost everyone has been kind to me about it. It doesn't feel right to not be kind to him about it."
"We have a lot in common. And you're very young. It's normal to struggle for the words for things you don't understand about your own feelings yet. Malcolm is an adult, and supposedly a professional, and he...he's careless. He's not confused, usually, he just...sometimes he doesn't think about how what he says is going to sound to other people. And you're worth being careful with."
So it bothers him.
"You can forgive him and still...know that he shouldn't have spoken to you like that. I just want to be sure you know that."
"I love you too," he promises, with a little extra hug. "I don't want to let anyone hurt you ever, not even by accident. But I'll back off if you want me to."
Jedao didn't need time, not really - he's just Crowned with Eyes, and there were times he would have happily given it up, if it had meant getting rid of other parts of Jedao's legacy. Crowned with Eyes isn't a standard he thinks anyone else should have to reach. And sometimes it doesn't even work for him, especially when Earth social norms are involved.
He takes a little while, though, to sort out the true answer to the question.
"I'm angry because...he knows he often doesn't understand people well. And he offers himself as this - this expert authority for vulnerable people anyway. And worse, he believes that gives him the right to push hard even though he knows he often gets it wrong. He hurt you by mistake, yes, but it's a mistake that was compounded because he was irresponsible."
Throughout, Jedao's voice is quiet, low and steady.
"And he claims the privilege of that expertise - you're trusting him with vulnerable things, and it's good and right for him not to share things you trusted him with in confidence. But that means no one can call him on it if he's fucking up with you, if you're convinced he has the right to do it. If he hadn't been careless enough to leave that whole conversation public, I never would have known he was making you feel trapped like that. I don't know if I trust him not to make that kind of mistake again, and maybe next time I won't be able to protect you, or anyone else who trusts him. That makes me scared, as well as mad. That's why I want to make sure you know you never have to listen to him, if what he's saying isn't working for you."
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
It's me, Edwin.
no subject
"No it's not," he says, as soon as it's open wide enough for Jedao to hear him. Bringing the dad jokes tonight.
no subject
"Alas! Foiled again."
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
"Which he wants to do. He's not mad at you."
A little mad at Jedao, for awhile - maybe still - but Jedao can live with that.
no subject
"I don't... I don't want him to grovel, I just want to know... why he talked to me that way. It felt like he was mad."
no subject
He pauses for a moment. The thing he wants to say is complicated, and difficult.
"A lie that people will tell, sometimes, all well-meaning, because it's kind and simple, is that miscommunications are always two sided. That the speaker and the listener have always both failed, when people totally misunderstand each other. And sometimes it's useful to get back to a place of mutual - grace. But it is a lie. Communication requires willingness and skill, and Malcolm can be very bad at making himself clear, sometimes. The fact that he wasn't trying to hurt you doesn't, in itself, absolve him from talking to you that way. And if he does it again, you are always allowed to just leave, even if you can't explain why you need to. Hunter and I will always have your back about that. Okay?"
no subject
He rests his chin on Jedao's shoulder. It is a relief every time he hears someone declare they'll be there for him. But at the same time--
"I'm bad at it too. Making myself clear. I can be... really bad at it, and everyone has-- almost everyone has been kind to me about it. It doesn't feel right to not be kind to him about it."
no subject
"Are you bad at it?" he asks, eventually.
no subject
He pokes his face gently against Jedao's neck.
"You understand me even when I don't understand me."
no subject
So it bothers him.
"You can forgive him and still...know that he shouldn't have spoken to you like that. I just want to be sure you know that."
no subject
"I love you, dad," he says quietly. There's another thought forming, but this bit is most important.
no subject
no subject
"Are you... angry that he's had more time than you, but doesn't understand people as well?"
no subject
Jedao didn't need time, not really - he's just Crowned with Eyes, and there were times he would have happily given it up, if it had meant getting rid of other parts of Jedao's legacy. Crowned with Eyes isn't a standard he thinks anyone else should have to reach. And sometimes it doesn't even work for him, especially when Earth social norms are involved.
He takes a little while, though, to sort out the true answer to the question.
"I'm angry because...he knows he often doesn't understand people well. And he offers himself as this - this expert authority for vulnerable people anyway. And worse, he believes that gives him the right to push hard even though he knows he often gets it wrong. He hurt you by mistake, yes, but it's a mistake that was compounded because he was irresponsible."
Throughout, Jedao's voice is quiet, low and steady.
"And he claims the privilege of that expertise - you're trusting him with vulnerable things, and it's good and right for him not to share things you trusted him with in confidence. But that means no one can call him on it if he's fucking up with you, if you're convinced he has the right to do it. If he hadn't been careless enough to leave that whole conversation public, I never would have known he was making you feel trapped like that. I don't know if I trust him not to make that kind of mistake again, and maybe next time I won't be able to protect you, or anyone else who trusts him. That makes me scared, as well as mad. That's why I want to make sure you know you never have to listen to him, if what he's saying isn't working for you."