John will recognize the stillness that ripples through Yellow, if he remembers the way Yellow reacted to his brother's mask being broken. The rage isn't there, but the shock is. The kaleidoscope of color he's fashioned his internal self to be as still as a stained-glass window.
John will keep doing what he's doing, keep his voice soft, keep his presence steady. The talk with Arthur put him in a much better position to be able to be steady for Edwin.
None of those facts mean anything in and of themselves, Edwin. Especially considering the fact that we're here and I've made a point to look into contingencies in case something like what happened happens again.
He has a few thoughts on why that might have happened. He's been thinking about it a decent amount.
There's a way. And no matter what happens, I'll find you. That I can promise.
He believes John means it. He believes that, without reservation.
He also knows that John couldn't stop himself from disappearing from the barge. The King in Yellow, the thing he was, still ripped Arthur and John away from each other before Kayne took Arthur's revenge without telling him.
John of his world doesn't know him. Arthur doesn't know he exists as anything but a brief version of John. He's not a part of the world where either one of them has reason to care.
And he might not exist. Not if he slips away from the barge. Not if the ship can't hang on to him the way it did them. He's known more powerlessness in the 128 days he's been free from the Dark World than strength. He knew nothing but powerlessness before then.
Why did he ever start feeling safe?
If I disappear, please try and help the Yellow you still can reach.
Now Edwin is getting the equivalent of an in-body tap to the top of his little head.
Hey.
...you aren't listening. You're just being afraid.
Something like a breath out.
If you disappear, I'll find you. Crossing timelines isn't impossible. Time travel isn't impossible either. Even going to the Dark World.
He means it. He absolutely, positively means it. Without a doubt, and yes, without hesitation. This is the kind of thing John thinks about, in all his worrying, in all his concerns. This is what he spends his time on. Maybe he'd be less of a worrywart if he didn't but...
He doesn't regret it one bit.
We disappeared, yes. And it sucked. YES.
We also came back.
And even without this place, I found a way to get back to Arthur.
He says the words fiercely, not angry or scared. Just determined. Firm. The deep jewel tones in him flare to life, bright and warm, intense. Whatever he is, whatever he needs to be-
I'll find a way to get to you. That Yellow as well. But you too.
If I have to do it myself. If I have to find one of those other boats I read about. Whatever the fuck I have to do.
Love isn't just a feeling, Edwin. It's a choice. It's a choice to try.
He hears what Edwin says. He also hears what Edwin doesn't say as he coils around Edwin, molten gold that surrounds and protects and, he hopes... heals. It's then that something hits him, not entirely pleasant but also not entirely unpleasant.
This... might be why he's a warden still.
And his heart hurts from that even as he loves Edwin so hard it would probably kill anyone else.
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Ah.
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None of those facts mean anything in and of themselves, Edwin. Especially considering the fact that we're here and I've made a point to look into contingencies in case something like what happened happens again.
He has a few thoughts on why that might have happened. He's been thinking about it a decent amount.
There's a way. And no matter what happens, I'll find you. That I can promise.
no subject
He also knows that John couldn't stop himself from disappearing from the barge. The King in Yellow, the thing he was, still ripped Arthur and John away from each other before Kayne took Arthur's revenge without telling him.
John of his world doesn't know him. Arthur doesn't know he exists as anything but a brief version of John. He's not a part of the world where either one of them has reason to care.
And he might not exist. Not if he slips away from the barge. Not if the ship can't hang on to him the way it did them. He's known more powerlessness in the 128 days he's been free from the Dark World than strength. He knew nothing but powerlessness before then.
Why did he ever start feeling safe?
If I disappear, please try and help the Yellow you still can reach.
no subject
Hey.
...you aren't listening. You're just being afraid.
Something like a breath out.
If you disappear, I'll find you. Crossing timelines isn't impossible. Time travel isn't impossible either. Even going to the Dark World.
He means it. He absolutely, positively means it. Without a doubt, and yes, without hesitation. This is the kind of thing John thinks about, in all his worrying, in all his concerns. This is what he spends his time on. Maybe he'd be less of a worrywart if he didn't but...
He doesn't regret it one bit.
We disappeared, yes. And it sucked. YES.
We also came back.
And even without this place, I found a way to get back to Arthur.
He says the words fiercely, not angry or scared. Just determined. Firm. The deep jewel tones in him flare to life, bright and warm, intense. Whatever he is, whatever he needs to be-
I'll find a way to get to you. That Yellow as well. But you too.
If I have to do it myself. If I have to find one of those other boats I read about. Whatever the fuck I have to do.
Love isn't just a feeling, Edwin. It's a choice. It's a choice to try.
I got back to Arthur. I'll get you too.
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He still believes his brother means it. He believes John would do anything for the people he loves. Anything he could. Everything he could.
He also believes sometimes everything that can be done isn't enough. Sometimes you just lose.
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This... might be why he's a warden still.
And his heart hurts from that even as he loves Edwin so hard it would probably kill anyone else.
That's all right, brother.
I can hope enough for both of us.