And I want to help him too, because I know how he probably feels. But I love you for you.
Who you are isn't just an accident of timelines. It's who you choose to be, you individually, and I love that person. I'm lucky this place gave me the chance to know him. To know you.
He's made the same way I was. We're even more the same.
He's not arguing, not exactly. He's... offering counterpoints for John to refute. Each reassurance does make him feel a little better, settling his nerves in tiny pieces.
He closes his eyes, the last of his tension from all of this easing away for now. The idea that he doesn't have to regulate the things he says as closely as possible is still anxiety-inducing and uncomfortable, but for now, he's okay. He has John.
"I'll start with ukelele. So I can focus on learning to read the music and everything properly."
"Yes," he says, soft-voiced, or as much so as they ever get.
He sits up enough to rest his head against John. There's an edge of resolution in his tone. "I want to be better so if I meet him, I can help him too. So it's not just you."
"I don't know," he admits. "I would assume you went back to the Dark World. Or that Kayne allowed you to return to the Dreamlands. I can't think of anywhere else you might go."
"I-It didn't feel like... the Dark World. The shadows I was in, that I remember, before the barge. It was only for a moment, really, but it didn't feel like the Dark World, and I... I can't be sure but I don't... I don't think it was the Dreamlands. Maybe it was. I don't know what they're like."
"Yes." That question is an easy one. He presses his face against the hollow at the base of John's throat, the cool gel-like consistency of the occupied blobby making his skin feel even warmer. "I think about it a lot. All the time."
"Because... Because you and Arthur... you knew what was going to happen. You knew where you were going to go. And things still... went that badly. But I also wonder if... if I go back, if I'll be... trapped there. In that empty. Or if I just... will stop existing at all. I'm not as strong as you. What if-- what if you coming back to Arthur just... makes me disappear."
He considers what he wants to say and how he wants to say it, but specifically, he doesn't want to lie to Edwin. He doesn't want to give him false hope.
"There was something before I was with Arthur. As I was supposed to be on the way there. As... Kayne was delivering on his end of the deal, before the Admiral grabbed me."
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How many times is he going to say that to John during this conversation?
But... he's the one you share a world with now.
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Who you are isn't just an accident of timelines. It's who you choose to be, you individually, and I love that person. I'm lucky this place gave me the chance to know him. To know you.
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He's not arguing, not exactly. He's... offering counterpoints for John to refute. Each reassurance does make him feel a little better, settling his nerves in tiny pieces.
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"I wonder what he'll be like."
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Kitty ears must be scritched.
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"I'll start with ukelele. So I can focus on learning to read the music and everything properly."
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He looks down at Edwin.
"...feel better?"
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He sits up enough to rest his head against John. There's an edge of resolution in his tone. "I want to be better so if I meet him, I can help him too. So it's not just you."
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"Hopefully, it won't be something we have to deal with for a while."
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"What do you think happened to me, to both of me, or me and him, when you came back?"
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"Kayne doesn't seem like the kind of person to let anyone have what they want without them paying for it."
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"I-It didn't feel like... the Dark World. The shadows I was in, that I remember, before the barge. It was only for a moment, really, but it didn't feel like the Dark World, and I... I can't be sure but I don't... I don't think it was the Dreamlands. Maybe it was. I don't know what they're like."
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A pause.
"Does that bother you? Not knowing?"
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And there's a hand soothing down along his back, letting him stay pressed cool in the hollow there. Back and forth, rhythmic and gentle.
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"There was something before I was with Arthur. As I was supposed to be on the way there. As... Kayne was delivering on his end of the deal, before the Admiral grabbed me."
A pause.
"That reminds me of it."
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He shivers lightly.