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[howtheyshine]

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[greatoldjohn]

...what was that thunk?

[howtheyshine]

[Oh wait-- he said yes. Yes is not really true, it's just... the simpler answer. The less complicated one.]

I dropped my communicator. Um. ...Can I-- are you in your cabin?

[greatoldjohn]

Yes.

Did you want to come by?

[howtheyshine]

Yes. I'm, um, I'm-- I'll be over soon.

[greatoldjohn]

I'll leave the door open a little so you can get through.

[howtheyshine]

So he can get through, since his form is so limited, since he has to choose between sensation and reach--

His Math is being hostile today. Well. No, his math has been hostile since the end of the breach, he just notices it more with John or Jedao.

He stuffs that particular unfinished equation somewhere out of sight and goes to his brother's cabin, hesitating for a moment before he goes inside.

"J... John?"

[greatoldjohn]

And he will be greeted by a small cluster of tentacles reaching out to offer a scoop up and immediate hugs. John himself is in the den, dithering between albums to figure out which one he wants to play for Edwin.

[howtheyshine]

He lets himself be scooped, immediately relieved at the contact. Edwin hugs one of the tentacles, and this time when he speaks it's silently--and it sounds... younger, in the human sense. Not as young as his breach embodiment, but not as deep or as rough as their true voice can be.

I missed you but I didn't want to bother you.

[greatoldjohn]

John will gently lift him up and over until he can pull Edwin into his arm properly. He'll deposit a kiss to the top of his head automatically before adding a little squeeze.

You don't bother me.

I needed a couple of days to get my feet under me. Sorry I didn't call earlier.

[howtheyshine]

It's strange how everything he was scared of can seem so silly the minute he's with his brother. He doesn't have lungs, no, but he still approximates them so he can give a contented sigh as he leans against John.

It's okay. I... I needed time too I think. This one was... harder. It... It left pieces behind, more than the first time.

[greatoldjohn]

Do you want to talk about it or do you want to think about it anything else but that?

[howtheyshine]

I want... to do whatever you want to do. First.

Probably he should talk about some of it--he has, a little, with his warden and his father, but there are other things he wants to talk to John about.

[greatoldjohn]

I just wanted to see you and pick some music to play for us.

Edwin is getting a few more cuddles in the meantime.

[howtheyshine]

He relaxes more, stretching a few extra tentacles out to cling around John's neck and shoulders gently.

That sound nice. I was...

A pause, a sheepish tint to the words as he continues: I was scared the breach would make you... wish you didn't have a brother, or at least not me.

[greatoldjohn]

He can cling as much as he likes. It won't hurt him.

If you're scared, you should just call me and ask and I'll tell you the answer. It's better than worrying for a long time.

A pause.

That's not going to happen. That's not the way I love people. You don't have to worry about that.

[howtheyshine]

I know. There's no hesitation. I- I do know you aren't like that, you've never been like that. It's just so easy to forget when I'm by myself. I don't know why.

[greatoldjohn]

That's why you can call.

Any time you want to.

[howtheyshine]

Something -- one of many current somethings -- unknots inside him, and whatever tension over John that Edwin had left dissipates.

He closes his eyes so he can focus on where John touches all his other senses. The feel of him, the familiar smell, the sounds of a body in motion. He wants to memorize as much as he can for if they're ever separated in a way that the Admiral can't fix.

I was... something strange, in the other world. Something that hadn't been human for very long. It-- When I think about it, it feels... bad.

I-I was happy! I had Jedao, he rescued me from the lab. But... now it feels... like I was different there because I'm different here.

[greatoldjohn]

Hmph.

It's clear enough from that tone that he doesn't agree. In fact, he's going to rumble a little, give him something practically purring to feel.

Why do you feel that way?

[howtheyshine]

Edwin has been practicing purring. His own small rumble is like a tiny echo of his brother's, something like harmony.

I... I don't know. I know I'm... I know we aren't the only people on board who aren't human. And I don't want to be human. Not really. I j-just...

He's not sure how to put it. He's not even sure what's actually bothering him about it all. Just the sense of being Not Right, of being Off, of being Made Wrong.

[greatoldjohn]

John is quiet as he considers what Edwin said, considers how he wants to approach it, and decides that the best route is both direct and not.

How often do you judge yourself in comparison to me?

[howtheyshine]

The question blindsides him. Of all the things John could say or ask, it seems the most unexpected if only because of how obvious the answer is.

I always do.

[greatoldjohn]

And how often does it make you feel good about who you are and the person you want to be?

[howtheyshine]

He feels immediately guilty at the answer to that question, for reasons he can't pin down. Edwin presses his face against John to hide his expression.

Sometimes.

[greatoldjohn]

John will take a moment to pet down his back side a few times before he speaks again.

What do you do when you don't like the answer?