He backs up fast enough that he almost falls off the stool when John's image changes. He certainly slips, back paws briefly sliding off of it and onto the topmost rung.
"H... Hunter gave me a new body. I-- it's... I can't use any... any abilities in it, or... leave it unless he lets me. Unless I ask."
The cushioned pit in the middle of his greenhouse is still there. Edwin looks at it, then up at John, feeling strange and small and a half-dozen other anxious things he doesn't have names for.
"Yes. If you-- want to be. You don't have to want to be."
Edwin climbs down with him, curling up and tucking himself in against John. He shivers, and impulsively bites a careful mouthful of John's shirt to grip onto.
John twitches, just the once, before he reaches down, and reaches over and puts his hand against Edwin's head and his ears, and he'll start scritching gently.
I don't know what to say but I didn't want you to be alone.
He doesn't answer. He can't make himself, for a lot of reasons, one of them being he still has no idea what to say.
His brother thinks Yellow would hurt him.
And of course he does, why wouldn't he. Yellow is-- Yellow is exactly what Richter said he is. He's exactly what Larson said he is, what Kayne said, what Noel said.
He's numb and tired and doesn't know how to explain why that's true.
It doesn't matter.
It's what the people who... control things want me to be.
Larson. Kayne. The Arthur in my timeline. The man who came with you--with the other John and Arthur I mean, Noel.
I told Arthur here that the one who made me apologized. That he said he failed me and he was sorry. I didn't tell him that when I got angry, that Arthur said the apology wasn't for me.
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"H... Hunter gave me a new body. I-- it's... I can't use any... any abilities in it, or... leave it unless he lets me. Unless I ask."
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He steps in.
"But I can still touch you?"
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Which makes him feel a little sick, remembering Richter like that.
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"So. I'm here. You... still want me here?"
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"Yes. If you-- want to be. You don't have to want to be."
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Then he'll offer his arm.
"I came, didn't I? And I offered."
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I don't know what to say but I didn't want you to be alone.
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Are... Are you scared of me?
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That word is immediate. Definite. Unquestionable.
I know you love me. I know you don't want to hurt me. I know that.
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That's steady too.
Not because you want to. Not because there's anything wrong with you that means you're destined to hurt people. Fuck that.
Just because you have a lot of pain inside and the journey you're on is hard.
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I know you wouldn't try to. I do know that.
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John thinks--
John thinks he would--
He slowly lets go of the bit of shirt and curls into a faceless egg.
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He's going to keep petting the egg, regardless.
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His brother thinks Yellow would hurt him.
And of course he does, why wouldn't he. Yellow is-- Yellow is exactly what Richter said he is. He's exactly what Larson said he is, what Kayne said, what Noel said.
The little red egg stays still and quiet.
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Edwin?
Another tap.
Brother, you're worrying me. What's going on in there? A pause. Edwin, please tell me what you're thinking.
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I'm a monster.
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Do you remember the talk we had about that word?
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I'm both kinds.
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He starts running a cascade of tentacles over the curve.
Do you not want that?
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It doesn't matter.
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John's presence is warm and bright and loving but his mental voice is intense. There is nothing he knows better.
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He's numb and tired and doesn't know how to explain why that's true.
It doesn't matter.
It's what the people who... control things want me to be.
Larson. Kayne. The Arthur in my timeline. The man who came with you--with the other John and Arthur I mean, Noel.
I told Arthur here that the one who made me apologized. That he said he failed me and he was sorry. I didn't tell him that when I got angry, that Arthur said the apology wasn't for me.
Please don't tell him either.
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