You’re lucky. It still happens to me sometimes. But for the first time, I have at least three people in my life that won’t reject me. No matter what. And that’s what I think about when the other thing happens and it’s getting me down. Who are you closest to?
John... Jedao... Hunter... [He thought maybe he could be close with Collins, but not any more. He wants to be close to Arthur but he's afraid to be at the same time, like if Arthur gets too close he'll decide he was right about Yellow the first time, even though that first time never happened for him.]
[His tone isn't sullen, exactly, but it is muted and muttered and very much a kid answering a question not because he wants to but because he assumes he has to.]
Zerxus. Jamie. Astarion, he's my brother's inmate. [A pause, then more reluctantly:] Arthur.
Because... [He doesn't know what Malcolm knows about John and Arthur and Yellow himself. Edwin himself. Himself.] Because. He loves John. I'm the same as John. If he doesn't love me it's my fault.
Well… you’re not the same as John, first of all. You were very clear about that the first day we met, and I’ve since found that to be correct. You know, lots of humans have more than one human friend that they love dearly. I think it’s just as valid to have more than one beloved floaty bits of the King in Yellow friend.
Maybe I'm different, but I'm not not the same. [Grumblemutter, embarrassed and contrary and... maybe he wants to be like John now a little okay. A LITTLE. A lot.]
But that's still not the... point. John loves Arthur, and he wouldn't love Arthur if he wasn't a good person. So if Arthur doesn't care as much about me-- [He stops, not sure how to explain the calculus behind his conclusions.]
No. [Wary, though, because he's noticed there are two kinds of questions that people ask: questions that they want answers to, and questions they think they know the answers to. And sometimes when it's the latter it's because other-Arthur wanted people want to make fun of him.]
Well, it sounds like he needed time to get to know him before he loved him. So he probably needs time to get to know you, too. But he can’t do it if you avoid him.
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Give him a second pls.]
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Why?
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So who are you worried about?
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Zerxus. Jamie. Astarion, he's my brother's inmate. [A pause, then more reluctantly:] Arthur.
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A lot.]But that's still not the... point. John loves Arthur, and he wouldn't love Arthur if he wasn't a good person. So if Arthur doesn't care as much about me-- [He stops, not sure how to explain the calculus behind his conclusions.]
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other-Arthur wantedpeople want to make fun of him.]no subject
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