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[howtheyshine]

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[howtheyshine]

I'm not forgiving him. I know he can change, and I know he doesn't want to.

He called me a monster when we first met. I asked him why and he said it was because I wasn't human. I'm tired of giving grace to these arrogant fucks who don't give it to anything that doesn't walk and talk and think like they do.

How many times should we be bitten before we fucking muzzle the animal doing it?

[greatoldjohn]

So you agree with him?

[howtheyshine]

What the fuck does that mean?

[greatoldjohn]

'How many times should we be bitten before we fucking muzzle the animal doing it?'

He set Godric on fire because he was biting him.

What's the difference?

[howtheyshine]

The difference is everything that came first.

[greatoldjohn]

Can you explain?

Because I don't see how.

[howtheyshine]

I talked to him, I asked him questions, I tried to understand, I tried to tell him why what he said was shitty, and he ignored me, and ignored me, and ignored me, and clearly continued to look down on anything he viewed as 'less' than human.

How long should I try to love things that hate me, John? You said when I came here that I didn't owe Arthur kindness. So why now do I owe it to the human who won't admit how much it delights in murdering anything it can justify?

[greatoldjohn]

You don't owe anyone anything.

It isn't an obligation. It's a choice. I stand by that.

There's a difference, a big one.

You talked to him... but did you listen to him?

Listen. Not agree. Not condone.
Not coddle. Just listen.

[howtheyshine]

I tried.

And then I stopped trying.

I could only drink so much poison willingly.

[greatoldjohn]

Poison?

It hurt you to listen?

[howtheyshine]

To hear everything Arthur said at his worst repeated by someone who believes it on an average day?

Yes, brother, it fucking hurt.

[greatoldjohn]

I'm sorry it hurts you. I'm sorry he hurt you.

[howtheyshine]

I'm not sorry I killed him, and I never will be.

[greatoldjohn]

John is very quiet for a long moment.

So killing him is okay? Because he's a monster?

[howtheyshine]

Killing Godric was apparently something to be proud of.

At least I'm not bragging about breaking his fucking limbs.

[greatoldjohn]

So like I said.

You agree with him.

In fact, you think he should die just for saying things you don't like. Unless you think he should die for defending his own life.

And because he says things you don't like, his death doesn't even matter.

[howtheyshine]

This is fucking useless.

You don't get it, and you n̵̮̲̼̦̟͚̼̠̟͖̝̼͖̤̂͐͒̀̉̀͘ẻ̶̢̛̥͖̱̞͙̈́͌͘͝v̵͓̑̏́̈́͊͋͛̈̾̕e̸̡͈͓̟̟̗̱͕̲̎̇͊̔͝r̵͎̮͉̳̘̲̥̼͍̯͈̜͕̕͜ will.

Because you're not listening to me. You're just here to make your fucking point about how I am everything he says we are.

[greatoldjohn]

I'm listening.

And I'm not here to make a point. I'm trying to understand. I'm trying to see what is hurting you. Because I don't understand how this hurt you so much that the person who regrets breaking a branch can murder someone and say you don't regret it.

I've killed people. I even killed them and thought it was necessary.

I still regretted it.

Sometimes the regretting took a while but I never felt so firmly that I wouldn't regret it.

I don't think we are what he says we are. I don't even think it's right to divide what he is and what we are other than for practical matters like 'do you have legs?' 'do you need pants?' or 'do you eat?'

You're hearing what you're afraid of. What you want to be angry about. Not what I'm saying.

[howtheyshine]

I don't know. I just hate him.

[greatoldjohn]

Because he won't see you as a person?

[howtheyshine]

I'm so sick of trying and being called a monster, I'm so sick of it. I'm so sick of being a fucking-- prisoner under the supervision of people like him.

[greatoldjohn]

So how does killing him make that better?

I want to help. I want you to feel better. I love you.

[howtheyshine]

Maybe he'll shut the fuck up.

[greatoldjohn]

So it's not about him?

[howtheyshine]

I don't know. But if one more person tells me to give slack or patience or some bullshit kindness to people who would never be kind to me or anyone like me, I'll fucking kill them too.